Amanda G’s story
Amanda G’s story
I was a senior in college, one semester away from graduating. I was working a lot, had an active social life, lots of friends and was a member of an RSO on campus. I was busy, but I didn't think anything of all nighters, etc. I was in college. Everyone drinks and is sleep deprived, right? I had a good friend who noticed I wasn't acting as I normally do. I was talking at her incessantly for hours on the phone, not sleeping, loosing weight, and spending too much money. All of which wasn't like me. I had a quick temper, and was increasingly angry with little to no provocation. So towards the end of 1999, my friend recognized all the classic Bipolar signs and told me we were going for a car ride. She drove me back to my home town to a private mental health facility. I was completely baffled, but I talked to the intake person anyway. They left to start the admission process. I wasn't ready and I made my friend take me back to school. She was really upset with me. The next day, I drove back home and picked up my Mom. I was so out of it and confused I drove her all the way back to school and around campus trying to get her to 'guess' what was wrong with me. I didn't know what to do. I resigned to the fact that my friend was probably right so back to my hometown and the facility I went. I was admitted. I didn't realize what that meant, that I couldn't just leave when I wanted to and was in a psychotic state by the time I was in my room. An RN and the MD on call convinced me to take a pill. I promptly passed out. I learned the next day it was haldol. That scared me because I was reminded of things like Sybil and Nurse Ratchett. It was terrifying, confusing, and it sucked. I had no history of mental illness nor did anyone in my family. It was a painful experience for everyone. I was given Depakote which made me an emotional zombie. I was unable to feel anything. I gained 50lbs in 6 months. All in all it took a year to get back to feeling normal. Then my MD said I was doing well and I could see if this was a one time break. I went off my meds. I was fine for about a year. Then almost exactly 3 years after my first episode I had another. This time with more auditory and visual hallucinations. I checked myself back in.
After all the emotional trauma, friends lost, relationships ruined, job lost, and not finishing my degree, I decided I never wanted to go through anything like that again. So, I made the choice to stay on meds permanently. My MD found a combo that didn't have the same side effects and with those meds and a lot of will to get better, I have been episode free for 9 years now. I finally finished my bachelor's degree, got a job in healthcare with great insurance and stayed there for 7 years. I realized I wanted to do more than administrative work in healthcare and now I've just started my second semester of nursing school which I love. All that being said, I still remember the stigma and how I was treated and how the negative perceptions of those with mental illness still prevail. I hope in my lifetime though organizations like this one, the stigma will be gone. No one should have to feel shamed for a biochemical imbalance of any sort. Until the stigma can be beaten, the insurance companies start covering medications and psychiatric visits and our medicines have parody, we will be fighting an uphill battle. I want people to know it gets better. Be honest with your doctors, reach out for friends and family, be your own advocate, fight for your wellness.
The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.
The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.
www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)
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