The Trouble With Insecurity
How those who suffer from low self-esteem sabotage their own relationships.
By Jeff Howe
Most people seek a soul mate to love them unconditionally. But those who need such acceptance most—the terminally insecure—often sabotage their own chances at bliss.
When we're feeling low, we often regain confidence through a mate's love and support. Unfortunately, says Sandra Murray, Ph.D., people who suffer from low self-esteem assume that their loved ones notice their glaring faults more than their redeeming virtues.
In four experiments, Murray and colleagues asked subjects to think of a time they'd disappointed their partner. Finally, subjects answered a questionnaire assessing the strength of their partner's love and their feelings for him or her. Mulling over the past incident led insecure subjects to report that their mate did not accept them as they were. Ironically, insecure people seemed to push away a possible source of reassurance by thinking less of their loved ones. Afraid of rejection, the less confident fear that their partners will get wind of their flaws, explains Murray, of the State University of New York at Buffalo. They try to distance themselves before they get dumped.
"People with low self-esteem are doubly at risk" of feeling vulnerable in a relationship, she says. "They tend to believe their partner's regard is conditional." Luckily, says Murray, stable relationships are known to boost self-esteem. So the longer an insecure person hangs onto a loving partner, the less likely they are to drive the other away.
The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.
The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.
www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)
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"I worry that if I can't be happy with myself, then nobody will ever be happy with me, and that just makes me even more paranoid. The insecurity, low confidence, and diffidence, it's all a cycle and it's destroying me."
Jack
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