How to deal with an insecure person

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Insecurity is a big problem, both for the people who have it and the people they know. Hopefully there are some steps that can help you to deal with that special insecure person in your life.

Steps to deal with an insecure person:

  1. Understand the issue. Insecurity stems from many roots. Even though the issue may seem obvious, like a friend having bad skin, there may be more to it than that. The problem can arise from an area you aren't aware of or familiar with, like home life, previous relationships, unseen medical problems, or mental disabilities. Insecurity is a complex problem that is not always easily fixed. If you understand that insecurity is can be a serious problem, you can better empathize with insecure people.
  2. See the difference between genuine insecurity and faked insecurity. Faked insecurity can be for attention or sympathy, or to manipulate people, so watch out for those who are acting. However most insecurities are very real, and can stem from anything from a troubled past to present abuse.
  3. Be kind and unobtrusive. Sometimes you may get fed up with someone who is chronically insecure. However, this will only fuel the problem.
  4. Learn to ignore or divert their symptoms. If the insecure person constantly puts themselves down, you will either have to encourage them by complimenting them, or ignore them. Do not fuel their symptoms.
  5. Help them. It might be emotionally and mentally draining to support an insecure person, but genuine care and concern for that person can help them feel more secure about themselves. Tell them you are friends with them; love them, like them, for who they are. You don't have to spend your every minute with them, but don't abandon them either. Some insecure people can make valuable friends. Remember that not all insecure people are bullies or in any way mean, some of them are hesitant, shy people who are afraid and nervous with themselves.
  6. If appropriate, speak with them. If you are a good friend of the person, seriously ask them about their problems. Express your need to help but don't get pulled in to a relationship where your needs are superseded by theirs.
  7. Help them with their issues. If it is a person you are acquainted with, you might want to include them in your activities to improve their self-esteem.
  8. However, watch out for yourself. Sometimes you will need to distance yourself from an insecure person- it is very draining. Remember that you have needs too. Don't let yourself start feeling insecure, or abused, just so you can help them. Make sure your relationship with the insecure person is healthy.
  9. If the insecure person is your friend or family member, try and help them. If they are a classmate, or a peer or colleague, get to know them. But remember don't waste your time with people who bring you down.


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The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.

The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.

www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)

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"Marriage brings up all the things I pushed to the back burner - the fears, the distrust, the doubts, the insecurities. It's like opening Pandora's box."

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