12 Subtle Antisocial Habits That Make You Look Insecure

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If you know some of the bad habits you have developed over the years, how can you get rid of them?

01. Being stuck in your head:

Outgoing people talk to other people. Shy people “talk to themselves”. It is a comfort mechanism, more than anything. The important thing to realize is that talking to yourself is a habit, and habits can be broken. Whenever you realize you are talking to yourself, stop. This will help you “get out of your head”, talk more and eventually start becoming more extroverted.

02. Not paying attention to others

One of the biggest tips many conversation experts give is to become actively involved in listening to conversations. Many shy people get into the habit of just standing there, thinking and talking to themselves inside their own head, and listening, but not paying too close attention, to what everyone else is talking about.

Once you start to pay close attention, and put more energy into thinking about what other people are talking about, you will not have problem thinking about what to say next. Stuff will be popping into your head all of the time. You are just going to have to suck it up and say it.

03. Nervousness

Relax. What is the worst thing that can happen when you are in the middle of a social situation? Try to be relaxed, it will help you to enjoy situations. Also, shy people tend to automatically “tense up” some of their muscles when they are nervous.

Every once in a while, check if your neck, shoulders and stomach area are tensed up. Your shoulders, when they are tense, will be higher than normal. Take a long, slow breath and as you are letting it go, relax any tense muscles you have.

04. Paranoia

You may think everybody is judging you, and every small action you take and every thing you say. But they are too busy worrying about what other people think of them; so, it is probably that nobody really cares about you.

Next time you feel self-conscious, look at a random person and take note of how you feel about them. If the person you picked is truly random, then you probably will not have any emotion whatsoever.

05. Self-monitoring

You “micro-manage” what you do. That means you think of what you are going to say before you say it. You think about what you are going to do before you actually do it. This makes everything you do and everything you say seem unnatural.

06. Feeling you do not deserve good things

You feel you are not good enough. If someone compliments you, you do not really know how to respond because, deep down, you do not feel you deserve the compliment. Try to trust in the other person (why do not you deserve it?) or just follow the game.

07. Fear of expression

You feel “held back” – like you can not just let go and do what feels natural. This can make you quiet and limit your body language.

For example: I remember in social situations I used to have crazy ideas like screaming at the top of my lungs just to see what would happen. I knew I was physically capable of doing it, but something inside seemed to stop me. This is caused by a lack of confidence (also see Habit 09).

08. Arrogant beliefs

You may think you are smarter than most people you meet. You may even think that the reason why other people get along so well is because they are on the same level – while you can see “how things really are”.

If you can relate to that feeling, then the trick is to realize where it comes from. It comes from your bitterness that people do not seem to like you despite all the “reasons” why they should – you being smart, or talented at something, etc. It is hard, but it is very useful to notice that feeling.

09. Hinging self-esteem on what others think.

You let other people decide how you feel. If they say something bad to you, you immediately feel bad inside. You take their opinions as being fact.

The reality is that it is impossible to make everyone like you, and sooner or later you are going to have to get used to that. If you don’t, you will feel sad and unfulfilled because you always seek the approval of other people.

10. Fear to break rapport.

Rapport is when two people are experiencing a connection. This sometimes happens, for example, in a solid conversation about shared interests.

Unfortunately, shy people mess this up by acting too needy when they do finally meet someone they can relate to because they do not have many friends. They do not want to do anything that might make the other person “disconnect”, so they stay in their safe zone when talking. This makes them boring to be around.

11. Need to entertain

Not everything you say has to be witty or clever. In fact, most people will not remember what you said in a conversation in 5 days, so you might as well say anything. These ties into habit number 12.

12. Feeling you have to impress

If you are shy, you may feel as if the only reason why people hang around you is because you have witty and intelligent comments or something else that impresses them. This is a very shallow way to live, and it is just too hard to come up with something funny to say in every situation. You wind up talking a lot less than other people.


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