When-it-Comes-to-Addiction-There-are-No-Simple-Answers

When it Comes to Addiction, There are No Simple Answers

When it Comes to Addiction, There are No Simple Answers

An excerpt from The Los Angeles Diaries by James Brown:

“My beautiful sister, in the beginning alcohol and drugs bring you relief. They give you courage and confidence and then slowly, over a period of years, they strip it all away and you spend your final years struggling to fill the emptiness that it’s left inside you. It’s futile, it’s madness, and my drinking and using will one day take me down the same path. I will fight with my wife as you fought with your husband. I’ll explode for no reason and phone you late at night, drunk and wired, while my children cry in the background. These memories hurt, and I have others, many far worse. They accumulate over the years, and instead of fading with time they only grow more vivid. The shame and remorse builds. The load grows heavier as we age, and I understand now how every day you find yourself a little closer to that overpass above the Los Angeles River. My beautiful sister, we are drunks. We are addicts, and we behave recklessly without regard for the consequences of our actions. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, we destroy the ones we love as surely as we destroy ourselves.”

This excerpt is taken from a chapter of my memoir, The Los Angeles Diaries, which is dedicated to the memory of my sister and brother. Alcoholism runs deep in my family, and it’s spared no one. As a recovering alcoholic, I eventually had to come to terms with my addiction and attendant insanity. Simply put, it was either change or die. I could not continue to live and drink, and, perversely, I could not for the longest time live without drinking. My brother ended his same struggle with a bullet at the age of 27, an empty fifth of Ten-High on the night stand beside him. After one last binge, my sister leaped to her death onto the concrete banks of the Los Angeles River.

In writing The Los Angeles Diaries, and its sequel, This River, due for publication in March of 2011, I attempt to better understand the nature of the illness of addiction. But I don’t find any simple answers. I don’t know the root causes of alcoholism, and why one person can have a drink, and another safely cannot. And I try not to judge. What I regret most about my addiction is the emotional and psychological pain I inflicted on the innocent — my children, my ex-wife and my second wife, my closest friends. It’s only by taking action to remain clean and sober, one day at a time, with those days turning into years, that I’ve been able to earn back the love and trust of those I hurt most. That’s a blessing. I’ve been given a second chance at life where my brother and sister were not. Sobriety is a true gift, and I can never risk forgetting it.

**This post is in memorium of Marilyn Lynn-Brown, who took her life on July 28, 1998.**

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The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.

The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.

www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)

Quotes

"The good thing is that addiction is not a disease which is handed down, father to son or mother to daughter. We are never doomed to repeat the actions of any family members. My brother has never abused a drug in his life, proving that we are never doomed "

Nikki

"Through the assistance of my guide, I gradually became able to control cravings of my body and soul, fix the physical damages to the brain and psychological conflicts."

Traveler Keyhan

"I don't miss the fact that now when my lips move it is more than likely I am actually telling the truth."

Jane S

"That's what made me think of stopping my drug habits - My Blood pressure spiked at 200/110 last week during a Panic Attack."

Maria

"You can be a victim of your circumstances, or you can change."

Chantel

"2 and a half years was more than enough for my life to fall to pieces because of my addictions."

John

"It was after getting sober that I realized my drug use was so tied up with sex that I most likely had developed a sex addiction as well."

Anonymous

"Alcohol and drugs replaced everything in my life that I loved."

Wendy

"You know, you wake up in like a hospital, you wake up in rehab, and you search for answers. Why did I do this?"

Michelle

"When I hang out with my friends from rehab, I have fun because we're up, we're about, we're driving around, having fun."

James

"I do not believe that there are hopeless cases, just people who feel hopeless."

Anonymous

"It's never going to happen for someone like me, I thought."

Rosie

"You never have to surrender to addiction, and it’s never too late to ask for help."

Nikki

"There were days when I felt like I was losing the battle"

Anonymous

"I flashed back to all the good times, but they were not to be any more"

Anonymous

"I know these feelings intimately: fear, anger, guilt, panic, sadness, confusion, disbelief… and that only names a few."

Anonymous

"What feelings rise up in the hearts of parents when they discover that their beautiful, intelligent child is using drugs or drinking massive amounts of alcohol?"

Anonymous

"You wonder: if I don’t pay the bail, am I really a loving parent?"

Ron

"What I have learned is that recovery is a process that involves many things and numerous variables"

Ron

"I started crying out for help. And I started telling my sister I wanted to change."

Kathirena

"I was using all day long, I didn’t have any money and no place to stay."

Kathirena

"There’s always something new to trip us up"

Kathirena

"I feel good and I feel joy; I’ve learned to accept what I once was, and find hope in what I can become – which is a better person."

Kathirena

"I was driving west and the sun was in my face, and it just hit me. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was."

Lora

"I wanted to escape reality….I just wanted to be in oblivion"

Lora

"It’s the holidays and I just don’t want to be unhappy or make my loved one unhappy."

Anonymous

"Before my mother embraced treatment and recovery, I felt certain that her addiction and her way of life was going to kill her"

Melinda

"I wasn’t totally in control and I didn’t know what to expect. I made up my mind to do whatever I was told to do to make recovery work."

Adell

"because I didn’t know what else to do, or where else to go. I just knew that we needed help. I told my mother that I couldn’t help her, but I knew a place that could"

Melinda

"Acceptance is also a great tool. Accepting the addiction without judgment or supporting it is key"

John

"I have spent many sleepless nights and shed buckets of tears over my daughter’s disease and the devil that has her as a captive audience"

Carole

"Most of us live in two worlds: the world of what is and the world of ought to be. The world of ought to be continually puts us in a place where it is impossible to help our addict."

Rex

"I cannot relate to my addict’s pain and I cannot help myself."

David

"After a few years of repeated behaviors and strong reactions, no one got better. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong."

Roy

"In the end, the decisions lie with you and how you choose to internalize the learning"

Bob

"Real love is telling your child he cannot live in your home as he continue to use drugs"

Darren

"We’ve all done it. Seldom, if ever does it work. We make deals; we are willing to sell our soul, our dignity and our future to an addict in an effort to stop the madness."

Jill

"How do you negotiate with an addict that has no sense of justice or fair play? How can you negotiate with an addict that suffers from a disease that results in behaviors a sane person would deem insane?"

Jill

"I just could not let go of the expectations I always had for my beautiful boy, and took much of what he was doing personally"

Renee

"Why doesn’t he just stop using since it is ruining his life and making him unhappy? "

Renee

"Being a parent of an addict is about being more than you ever dreamed you could be. And most days it feels like you’re at war."

Gertrude

"You learn to love someone that, by all accounts, is un-loveable"

Gertrude

"Parents of addicts learn how to smile with friends and family. We need them for our own survival. We learn to allow them inside places that used to be only for us"

Gertrude

"It would be great if I could wave a magic wand and erase all those terrible memories. But I have had to live with them."

Alice

"Let me tell you that you can run to the ends of the earth and it will never be far enough to avoid yourself"

Alice

"I hated my stepfather for his embarrassing and painful displays of drunkenness. I hated my brother for being so weak and conniving. I hated my mother for not being strong enough to protect me from them"

Alice

"Well, while everyone’s relapse is different to some extent, there are some fairly predictable dynamics that family members should be aware of"

Michael Pantalon, PhD

"It is very painful to have drug addiction take over the life of someone you love"

Gertrude

"Keep in mind that forgiveness is a journey. As we grow older we learn more about ourselves and our ability to heal."

Gertrude

"Waiting for someone to repent before we forgive is to surrender our future to the person who wronged us"

Lewis Smedes

"Remember to forgive yourself because you have the ability to and you are worthy of it"

Gertrude

"Forgiveness is for me. The sooner I understand, the faster I heal."

Ron

"Remember to say "I love you." That is a reassurance we ALL need."

Karen

"If you want to help your child quit, you need to understand why they use and help them find other ways of getting those needs met"

Maia

"Love and support from family help treatment, they do not hinder it."

Maia

"Those who have been hurt as a result of addiction have no reason to trust the addicted person."

Drew

"Good recovery allows you to remove only a few bricks each day. Over time, there will be a hole in the wall large enough to talk through without shouting."

Drew

"Adjusting to a sober life calls for patience and understanding"

Ben

"At some point after making a change, the demands of maintaining it seem to outweigh the benefits of the change. We don’t remember that this is normal. Change involves resistance. Reaching out to a supportive person can help clarify our thinking."

Stanley

"A wise man once told me that if I spent my life making only new mistakes, my life was truly a life of learning"

Roger

"It’s very complicated thing when you love your child with all your heart but you hate what they have become and what is happening to them right in front of your eyes"

Roger

"Wasted efforts and wasted time is the effort and time in which you learn nothing and in which you do not change yourself."

Roger

"They knew something was wrong and were asking probing questions about what was bothering me. “When they opened that door, I walked through it"

Seth

"It was analogous to someone who suffered head-trauma and has to relearn everything: For someone like me, I had lost the ability to function in everyday life"

Seth

"It helped me learn how to live with other people, and gave me the guidance I needed for a strong recovery program that I could live with for the rest of my life"

Seth

"Working with another addict gives me a chance to see myself"

Seth

"What was really killing me was that I thought I was the center of the universe, and that things only happened because I made them happen"

Seth

"As parents of loved ones with a drug or alcohol addiction, how many times did we blow right through the warning signs as if they weren’t even there? And, if there were parenting cops, how many charges would we be guilty of?"

Clarice

"My kid wouldn’t do that or go that far — he’s just having fun. You know, boys will be boys."

Clarice

"Understanding your readiness to change by being familiar with the six-stage model of change can help you choose treatments that are right for you."

Carlo

"Because alcoholism is a chronic disease, the possibility of relapse is always present. Individuals may experience a strong temptation to drink and fail to cope with it successfully"

Carlo

"All signs and symptoms of drug abuse. But did we see it? No."

Sanjay

"It’s important for teen drug and alcohol abusers to see others their own age who are full-blown addicts and hear the horrific stories of where their drugging and drinking took them"

Sanjay

"I had three reliable sources report that my son was known as a pot smoker, Ecstasy user, and a drinker."

Sanjay

"Children of any age in any family where addiction is present can present a unique challenge. Questions arise as to what, if and how much to tell children about the addiction"

Sally

"It took me a long time to learn that my anger was a result of me not being able to control my son’s addiction"

Ron

"“No Lying, No Stealing and No Drugs. JUST WHAT THE HELL IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT?!!”"

Ron

"Boundaries are healthy for you and those surrounding you. I cannot change my addict’s behavior by setting rules."

Ron

"I am angry that he is using drugs in my home, and I feel out of control and helpless."

Ron

"Setting good boundaries for yourself allows you, the loved one of an addict, to bring a measure of control and sanity into a truly insane situation."

Ron

"In that moment, I felt like I was wearing my own scarlet letter – that the “A” for addiction was emblazoned on my forehead and would be my mark to bear for as long as I lived"

Alex

"Simply put, some brains are chemically wired differently than others and are far more susceptible to drug abuse. "

Alex

"Giving in to my daughter Lauren, who had a spiraling addiction, was a recipe for disaster."

Sharon

"Only when addicted teens are faced with real consequences can they start to make a change."

Sharon

"One of the biggest barriers to patients getting help is the stigma of addiction."

Barry

"I get asked, ”Why would he do this to you?” “Why do you allow him to live this way?” I am perceived as a bad parent by many"

Colleen

"For me, sometimes the hardest part is the isolation. There are so few people with whom I can share my thoughts and feelings about this."

Manatee Mom

"I noticed something about being the parent of an addict. It is a very lonely thing. If my child had any other disease, the people in my life would be surrounding me with comfort and support. Because my son has the disease of addiction I am left to deal wi"

Carol-Ann

"I've had some bad combinations of being drunk, smoking weed, and acid, or being drunk, smoking week, and on ecstasy. Just anything with another drug is really bad. It has different effects on you. You never know what could happen to you."

Michelle

"I had to start saying to myself the reason I don’t use drugs is because I don’t want to not because I can’t stop once I start."

Anonymous

More Send us your Quotes

Tips & Hints

Look for help
There are many groups and organizations available to help you overcome your addiction. Once you have set your mind to beating your addi...
There are many groups and organizations available to help you overcome your addiction. Once you have set your mind to beating your addiction you can seek help from one of the groups to help you accomplish your goal. Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, or Debtors Anonymous are trained to work with you to successfully beat your addiction. They are a mentor, a crutch, and a friend in a time of need.
More
Seek support from your family
Your family needs to be involved in your journey to fight your addiction. Only you can accomplish this important task, but you need to ...
Your family needs to be involved in your journey to fight your addiction. Only you can accomplish this important task, but you need to ask for the support and help of your family. You may think you are the first family member with an addiction, especially substance abuse, but if you carefully examine your family history you may find a similar addiction in past generations.
More
No more secrets
It’s time to clean out the closet and take inventory. No hiding because of shame. No hiding because of fear. You are not alone in you...
It’s time to clean out the closet and take inventory. No hiding because of shame. No hiding because of fear. You are not alone in your addiction. Thousands of others have fought the same battle. Now is the time to list your good qualities, the things you like about yourself, and want to keep. It is also the time to list your bad qualities, your habits and addictions you wish to overcome. Writing is a powerful tool for the brain. Writing the inventory list will help your brain to help you overcome your addiction. You will be more attune to your strengths and weaknesses and better able to use your strengths to overcome your weakness.
More
Regain Power
Many addictions are undermined because we believe we are powerless to change the situation. This is not true! You do have the power to ...
Many addictions are undermined because we believe we are powerless to change the situation. This is not true! You do have the power to make change. It may be slow and painful. It may result in times where you fall backwards but you have the power to pick yourself up, wipe yourself off, and go forward again. Use your power to take one minute at a time, one hour at a time, and one day at a time. As you move forward use your power to look one week into the future, one month into the future.
More
Make a Life Change
The first step to fight addiction is to make a decision that it is time to make a life change. That life change will reflect your desir...
The first step to fight addiction is to make a decision that it is time to make a life change. That life change will reflect your desire to quit your addiction. Your life change may require one or many changes to be made to accomplish your goal.
More

Explore Your Feelings

As you take your journey to fight your addiction, you will need to re-explore your feelings. One side affect of substance abuse is ofte...

Risks

Avoid High-Risk Situations. people, places, things... that remind you to your addiction. It is very important for success....

Be Honest

You must be one-hundred percent completely honest with the people who are your supports: your family, your doctor, your therapist, the ...

Stress & Anger Management

Everyone will find their own methods of relieving their stress and frustrations, this could be by working it out at the gym and relaxin...

Self-Help Groups

Self-help groups are particularly beneficial to those who have already begun to recover from their addiction. Sharing knowledge, experi...

Think before

Before you reach for the food you are addicted to, think about how sick you will feel after you finally stop eating....

Be committed

If you get through one day without eating your addictive food, get through a second day. Once you are through the second day, ask yours...

Do more

Do more than you think you are going to need to do. This will help prevent relapses as you discover the power of your addiction....

Build momentum

A lot of people will tell you to think big, act small. Thinking about the big picture is important, but if we want to building momentum...

Reject perfection

We have a tendency to put things off endlessly, because we’re afraid of imperfections. This is pretty silly. If your dream is to beco...

Relapse

While not inevitable, relapse is common. It is important to work together to prevent it, because it can happen even in good times. If a...

Reinvent your routine

If you're used to dancing with saucer eyes most Saturdays then it might be wise to avoid clubbing for a while. It doesn't have to be fo...

Tell your friends

There's no shame in wanting to straighten out, either for a temporary period or permanently. So let your mates know beforehand. That wa...

Good Self Care

When trying to care for addicted family members or friends, take care of yourself too. Eat healthy food, exercise, see doctors and dent...

Friendship network

when a family member is struggling with addiction, begin to build yourself a network of people who are familiar with your situation. Th...

Acceptance

You won’t be able to fix your problem or anybody else’s until you accept the existence and nature of the addiction....

Interventions

Focus on the solution, not the problem. Get help from a trained addiction specialist, and attend support groups. Don’t go it alone �...

Speak to your kids

If you think your child has a drug problem, or may be developing one, speak to them! Sit down and talk to your kids about what’s goin...

When confronting somebody

Stay calm and be supportive. Make sure you’re clear about how their gambling affects you, and how you feel about it, but also point o...

Understand addictions

Almost all drugs are addictive in some manner, even coffee. Generally there are two kinds of addiction: chemical addiction and psycholo...

Understand that, legality aside, alcohol and nicotine and even caffeine are 'drugs'

If you partake of any of these substances, whether occasionally or habitually, do not be quick to judge drug users -- you are one yours...

Enjoy the little and big events of life

Take up exercise or outdoor sports, such as rock climbing. You will then start to feel the natural highs that the body can enjoy....

Rediscover the art of meaningful conversation

It is amazing when two people in a coffee shop or diner have a great, intelligent conversation. It is so much better than inane chatter...

More Tips & Hints