The Benefits Of Insecurity

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576 days ago

Video Description

"In this video emotional health coach Diana Deaver explores insights into insecurity and discusses its benefits and ways to manage it. See below a more detailed version of the video message.

Insecurity has a pretty bad wrap right, right? What if I told you insecurity may be good for you?

As long as we’re human we will be insecure to a degree. I believe that instead of trying to get rid of it, we can use it to propel us.

But first, what does it mean to be insecure?
I am insecure means I am unsure of myself! I am unsure that I can get others to see me the way I would like them to. I am unsure that I will be ok even if those around me do not accept me and welcome me the way I would like them to. I am afraid of making a mistake and being judged about it. Insecurity is about the amount of control we feel we have over how others perceive us.

When we are insecure we are needy. We need to accepted, welcomed and seen by people we like and look up to. If such a person declares us to be acceptable then we believe them. The opposite of insecurity is self actualization: I know myself and trust myself enough to love and accept myself even if others don’t.

(Why are we insecure?)

Because we want to belong and we are afraid that if we don't meet certain criteria the group we want to belong to won’t accept us. I’m afraid my needs are not going to be met: I’m not going to be seen, liked, wanted and valuable. Insecurity is fear.

Sometimes fear and insecurity are normal. It is not really our insecurity that is paralyzing or isolating but it is our reaction to our insecurity that causes all that.

QUESTION YOUR FEAR ask yourself: Is my insecurity appropriate or inappropriate for this particular situation?
Of course there are situations when being insecure is absolutely normal and healthy!
Like being in an environment or situation that you're not familiar with or while doing something that you haven't done before. Sure! To be self assured all the time is unnatural and not very human.
Insecurity teaches us to be cautious and mindful, it reminds us we have limits and that there's an opportunities for expansion and growth.
GIVE YOURSELF SOME ADRENALINE AND JUMP OFF THE CLIFF OF YOUR INSECURITY BY SHARING IT WITH OTHERS. Insecurity diminishes radically when you own it so repeat after me: I AM INSECURE and that’s ok. You’ll notice that the moment you share it others you will open yourself up for more connection and authenticity than you ever imagined. Because everybody can relate.

The only way to empower yourself is to parent yourself and explore, discover and nurture ways in which you are meeting your needs in a healthy way through your own means. This doesn't have to be for the rest of your life. Once you've learned to meet your own needs through your own powers then you can choose to allow yourself to be cared and nurtured by another...but you can do this with minimal anxiety.

Insecurity needs self parenting, self empowerment and becoming fully responsible to fulfill our own needs. Here are three major ways in which we can parent ourselves:
re-assurance- speak to yourself as if you were a timid child. “You’re safe! I’m here, we can go through this together.”
encouragement- “You can do this! I believe in you!”
check in don’t check out. This means that you get to know all about yourself, needs, skills, shortcomings. Kids are insecure because they have yet to know themselves. This is the best way to become more secure within yourself: to know yourself. “The more I know myself the more I know what I need. The more I know what I need the more I can nurture myself. The more I can take care of myself the more I trust myself. And then I can trust myself enough to know that no matter what others will do I will honor myself. When I know myself, I trust myself and I no longer depend on an outside person for acceptance and validation.”

For a more in depth look at insecurity hop on over to And as always make sure to subscribe to my channel for fun and helpful ways to learn about emotions.

Do you have a thought or perspective on insecurity? I would love to hear it. Comment in the section below and share your experience with insecurity. And if there’s a particular topic or question you would like me to address please feel free to send me a question."


"To build self confidence and overcome low self esteem is to change how we feel emotionally about ourselves"

Marianne Walsh PhD

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