Mental Health - DEPRESSION - I-Can’t-Be-Depressed…-I’m-a-Guy

I Can’t Be Depressed… I’m a Guy!

I Can’t Be Depressed… I’m a Guy!

By Chato B Stewart

Over the last few years, more and more men have been strong enough to stand up and declare that they suffer with depression. That has led to some really nice coverage on the subject. I don’t want to write about that. They have all the research and studies to back it up, as well as the stories of many high-profile men from movies, TV, and sports. I get it. They are depressed. Yet, they also have the best available services at their fingertips! I’m just a guy, no huge bankroll or million-dollar contracts. Rather, a guy with mounting bills, a family to feed, and a hopeless pit in my soul tearing me apart.

I can’t be depressed… I’m a GUY! I don’t have the time to deal with this mood. So, I swallow the pain and move on. I avoid the help that is out there because I don’t want my other guy friends to think I’m weak. Yes, weak. The stigma of how others think of mental illness keeps me away from talking to anyone about my unrelenting feelings of despair. So I buck up and tell myself I can take this… I’m a GUY. We don’t complain about this type of thing!

Back to work I go, with the black cloud of doom following me everywhere, but I can handle it. I’ve been handling it for years now. Why should this be any different? I can’t move…I’m frozen in my bed, dread and fear abounds… I am worthless. I am trash. I am a failure. I keep telling myself… But wait, I am a GUY! I swallow my pain, get out of bed and go to work. Bills need to be paid, we need food on our table; there is no time to deal with this depression.

Rage builds and anger starts to erupt over the smallest faults I perceive in others. Home life is harsh. My moods are sporadic and my wife and I fight every day. “You need help,” she says. “No, I can handle it… I am a GUY!” Hate builds and rage builds and thoughts of death are now louder in my ears. I look around, my life is spinning out of control…My family is afraid of me! But I swallow the pain and move on.

I’m a guy. I drink, lightly at first, to ease the pain. Now, heavily, to numb out my hopelessness…My job is in jeopardy. My wife threatens to leave me and my kids don’t want anything to do with me. I hate how I am. I despise my own reflection in the mirror. My head is full of idealizations of death and the liquor is making it easy to complete my thought. I can handle this, I’m a Guy! I can’t swallow this pain anymore…Instead, I swallow something else till my eyes gloss over and I pass out.

I wake up to the sound of silence. I look around at my life. I want to die and I know how I’m going to do it. I think this is the best thing for my family and it will solve all my problems. Then I realize my wife was right, I do need help. I pick up the phone and dial 911… and say, “I’m a GUY and I’m depressed…”

Are you a guy? Does this story sound familiar? It is more common than you know. As guys, we were taught to suck it up and just deal with it and move on. I did that for years and not only did I suffer, but so did the ones I love. They suffered from the negative effects of my depression. Seeking help before you end up losing everything is the best way to handle depression. Sadly, many of you do what I did. For 20 years, I swallowed my pain till it was almost too late.

This is not the end. There is life after the diagnosis of depression. There are new and improved medications and therapies that can give us back our lives. Recovery is possible. So, don’t just be a guy and deal with depression on your own…Rather, be a MAN and get help!

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The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.

The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.

www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)

Quotes

"I've been absolutely miserable for years and years. Recently started taking new anti-depressants and--knock on wood--they actually seem to be working."

Finster

"Life became impossible, to extent that making a cup of tea and stringing a sentence together properly were achievements."

Kathy

"I had extreme loss of appetite and lost a lot of weight. I would cry very easily at the most inappropriate times. I felt as though I lost my total sense of being."

Laura

"At first I was feeling sad all the time, even though I had no reason to be. Then the sadness turned into anger, and I started having fights with my family and friends."

Rob

"My sister once said: "I think you're afraid to be happy, because every time you're happy, something bad happens." She was right."

Lee

"Depression is like a never ending sad story, where you're the main character."

Peter Wang

"While Depression has affected my life in so many negative ways, I also feel that it has given me a greater appreciation for every good thing."

Susan

"I feel depression coming on like a veil being lowered over my face, clouding my judgement, my attitude and my activities."

Bonnie

"These words were told to me by a psychologist: "Depression is anger directed inward.""

David

"Being in a relationship with someone experiening depression can be extremely hard on your emotions. When people are depressed they tend to push away the very things they actually need."

Mark

"I thought if he could find something he really enjoys to take his mind off things, that could help, but the problem with depression is you don't really enjoy anything."

Anonymous

"My husband feels like he has ruined my life, is extremely emotionally dependent on me, has trouble getting out of bed everyday, cries a lot, lost all confidence in himself, thinks he's a terrible father."

Esme

"I have the feeling that nothing is really worth doing. A friend asked me "what would you like to do, if you could choose freely", and I came up with...nothing."

Anonymous

"Sometimes i feel like the whole world is against me"

Anonymous

"Don't believe for one second that things can't change - they can. When you feel so low, the only way is up."

Anonymous

"I had a terrible day today and started telling myself, "You just need to suck it up. Stop acting like a loser. You're so weak." It's that sort of thinking that keeps me from getting better, and I need to start putting myself first."

Rachel

"For someone who is really depressed just getting through the day is a massive achievement. Anything we do on top of it should make us really proud of ourselves."

Bud

"I know there is always that little voice in my head saying "stop thinking that way and you won’t feel depressed, dummy!""

Anonymous

"The hard part is, being so long depressed; it's easy to forget who the real person is."

Ruby

"Accept that the depression or anxiety is there for now, stop thinking about it and learn to function as best you can even with the worst depression or anxiety that you have ever felt. And take hope in the knowledge that this will get better."

Thomas

"For me, depression does go away, but it can come back. Some of us are just prone to it; even when I am happy I can sense the depression waiting in the wings."

John

"Depression is not our fault and it is a disease, I have suffered for years, but do believe we can help ourselves on the road to recovery, life needs to be lived, and we need to try and challenge the negative thoughts we get..."

Jack

"There are millions of people with depression but no one talks about it and I find that to be very sad."

Nigel

"I have just decided to live my life and not care about what other people think. In my heart I know that they are probably dealing with something too, everyone has their own issues."

Joseph

"I can’t be depressed… I’m a GUY! I don’t have the time to deal with this mood. So, I swallow the pain and move on"

Chato

"It’s thought that SAD sufferers are affected by shorter daylight hours in the winter. They produce higher melatonin, causing lethargy and symptoms of depression."

Dr Roger Papadopoulous

"If you have a tendency towards SAD, outdoor exercise will be have a double benefit, because you’ll gain some daylight"

Dr Roger Papadopoulous

"It wasn’t until I was 26 that I had my first “nervous breakdown” and was diagnosed with chronic depression. I was lucky."

Anonymous

"I wake up to the sound of silence. I look around at my life. I want to die and I know how I’m going to do it."

Chato B Stewart

"As guys, we were taught to suck it up and just deal with it and move on. I did that for years and not only did I suffer, but so did the ones I love"

Chato B Stewart

"The obvious signs to look out for include a low mood and unhappiness, with tearfulness or irritability that may not be related to anything specific"

Dr Navina Evans

"Also watch out for reactions when something sad happens. For instance, when someone dies it's normal for everyone in the family to feel distressed. But if you feel your child's reaction is too extreme or has gone on for too long, that could also be a sign"

Dr Navina Evans

"All children and young people need to feel respected, valued and loved."

Dr Navina Evans

"I couldn't get out of bed. I just stayed in my room for days on end"

Stephanie

"I got a lot of "just cheer up!" and "walk it off!" but it never worked. People just didn't understand"

Matthew

"I started playing rugby and the combination of exercise and feeling like I was part of a team really helped."

Phil

"I contemplated suicide and self harm a lot. I just felt like there was nobody I could speak to."

Pat

"I had to look for books in the self-help section of the library or bookstore. I felt ashamed"

Anonymous

"Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression."

Dodie

"Through our willingness to help others we can learn to be happy rather than depressed."

Laurell

"The reason we cry is because sometimes words are just not enough to tell our life story."

Victor

"No one ever said life was easy. You may be so depressed, you just sit in the corner and cry for hours. But you just have to remember, LIFE GOES ON."

Anonymous

"If you are depressed, You are living in the past. If you are anxious, You are living in the future. If you are at peace, You are living in the present."

Anonymous

"It's not physical loneliness that troubles us, it's emotional loneliness that hollows us."

Senora

"The hardest thing you can do is smile when you are ill, in pain, or depressed. But this no-cost remedy is a necessary first half-step if you are to start on the road to recovery."

Adam

"Depression? Well… I'm not proud for the things I've did in the past, but I'm proud that I took the challenge as a man and faced all my problems."

Selena

"Life has knocked me down a few times. I experienced sadness and failures. But one thing for sure, I always get up!"

Jack

"First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst."

Dale

More Send us your Quotes

Tips & Hints

Getting support from people
Together we are stronger. Receiving the support you need is crucial to lifting you from the fog of depression and keeping it at bay. Ma...
Together we are stronger. Receiving the support you need is crucial to lifting you from the fog of depression and keeping it at bay. Maintaining a balanced perspective and sustaining the effort required to beat depression can be difficult on your own. The very nature of depression makes it difficult to reach out for help, but isolation and loneliness only makes depression worse. So maintaining relationships with those close to you, and retaining social interaction with others, is very important.
More
Healthy food, healthy mind
You are what you eat! What you eat has a direct impact on the way you feel. Aim for a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, ...
You are what you eat! What you eat has a direct impact on the way you feel. Aim for a balanced diet of protein, complex carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.
More
Doing exercise
Exercise is a powerful tool for dealing with depression. It may be the last think you feel like doing when you’re depressed. But, stu...
Exercise is a powerful tool for dealing with depression. It may be the last think you feel like doing when you’re depressed. But, studies show that regular exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication when it comes to increasing energy levels and decreasing feelings of fatigue.
More
Sleep tight
A good nights sleep is essential for any improvement in well-being. Aim for 8 hours of sleep if possible. Depression typically involves...
A good nights sleep is essential for any improvement in well-being. Aim for 8 hours of sleep if possible. Depression typically involves sleep problems. Whether you’re sleeping too little or too much, your mood suffers. Get on a better sleep schedule by learning healthier sleeping habits.
More
Positive Thinking
Those with a more positive outlook tend to deal more easily with daily challenges, even minor ones such as not being able to find a par...
Those with a more positive outlook tend to deal more easily with daily challenges, even minor ones such as not being able to find a parking space. Consider how you might react in the same situation. Even if you have to pretend, try to adopt their optimism and perseverance in the face of difficulty.
More

Get information about your medication

It is important for you to know about your prescribed medication and its side effects. Your doctor can provide you with some informatio...

Take One Day at a Time

Don't become overwhelmed with what you have to do tomorrow or next week. Focus on one task at a time, and have friends, family members ...

Be creative

Creative pursuits are a good way to take your mind off sad thoughts or turn them into something positive and vibrant....

Engage in social interaction

Even a short conversation about weather with the mailman can perk you up when you're depressed....

Accept that you are depressed and it’s not your fault

Being angry or critical with yourself will only make things worse. Telling yourself to ‘Pull yourself together’ or ‘Snap out of i...

Be more active

Don’t withdraw from life. Socialising can improve your mood. Keeping in touch with friends and family means you have someone to talk ...

Face your fears

Don’t avoid the things you find difficult. When people feel low or anxious, they sometimes avoid talking to other people. Some people...

Don’t drink too much alcohol

For some people, alcohol can become a problem. You may drink more than usual as a way of coping with or hiding your emotions, or just t...

Have a routine

When people feel down, they can get into poor sleep patterns, staying up late and sleeping during the day. Try to get up at your normal...

Fix your personal problems

Work on your personal problems, using small steps to make sure you avoid becoming overwhelmed. Work on only one or two simple things at...

Stop bad behaviour

When you complain, cry, talk of sad feelings, or discuss problems, your friends and loved ones probably respond with sympathy and tende...

Control your thinking

Another thing is to consider removing the word “depressed” from your vocabulary. Instead, think of these feelings as low moods. The...

Beat procrastination

The symptoms that we experience when depressed, such as fatigue and hopelessness, make it easy to fall into a habit of putting things o...

Learn how to forgive

Holding on to anger about past events can contribute to depression. Forgiveness can help us heal and move forward, but the way we often...

Get a handle on your household chores

When we feel depressed it becomes difficult to keep up with daily chores such as housework because we just feel too tired and unmotivat...

Know that you’re not alone

Every day, thousands of people worldwide face the same struggle you do, and know exactly how you feel. You have support if you need it....

Happy People

They may not be helping but they are acting out of some level of concern for you and your welfare, even if it feels like you’re being...

See a Doctor

Depression is not just feeling a bit down, it is an actual disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disord...

Hobbies

Did you previously enjoy painting? Pick up the paintbrushes again! Always wanted to learn how to ride a horse? Sign up for some lessons...

Sunlight

Spend as much time as you can in view of a window, or better yet, outside. Sunlight has been shown to affect serotonin levels in the br...

Don’t be afraid to have a cry

Better out than in, as they say. It’s generally advisable to go and find somewhere private so nobody sees, and maybe take a pack of t...

Look good, feel good

You probably want to sit around in trackies or gym shorts but if you’re going outside, make a bit of an effort – you won’t regret...

Time

Everyone's case is different, but the consistent factor is time. It takes time to relax after a breakup, but don't take too long or you...

Decissions

Think before you act; do not something you will regret....

Helping a depressed person

Learn how to avoid becoming depressed yourself while caring for a loved one who is depressed....

Dealing with depression

You can not beat depression with sheer willpower, but you can make a huge dent with simple lifestyle changes and other coping tips....

Emotional self-help

Many people suffering from depression need to find ways to better manage stress and balance their emotions. Building emotional skills c...

Reduce stress at home and at work

Ask for help with some of the stressful things in your life. See if your friends or family will take care of some of the daily hassles,...

Do not give up

You may feel hopeless right now. You may feel like you are never going to get better. But feeling that way is a symptom of your conditi...

Be open to new ideas

Your therapist may have suggestions that sound strange. He or she may push you to do things that feel awkward or uncomfortable. But try...

Interact with nature

Animals live in the present moment and they show love unconditionally. Observing and interacting with them will help you get over your ...

Your strengths

Remember your past accomplishments and build yourself up. What made you successful before? What are your strengths? Frequently, this ex...

More Tips & Hints

I Can’t Be Depressed… I’m a Guy!

Downloads

Web Resources

Quotes

Tips & Hints

Getting support from people

Healthy food, healthy mind

Doing exercise

Sleep tight

Positive Thinking

Get information about your medication

Take One Day at a Time

Be creative

Engage in social interaction

Accept that you are depressed and it’s not your fault

Be more active

Face your fears

Don’t drink too much alcohol

Have a routine

Fix your personal problems

Stop bad behaviour

Control your thinking

Beat procrastination

Learn how to forgive

Get a handle on your household chores

Know that you’re not alone

Happy People

See a Doctor

Hobbies

Sunlight

Don’t be afraid to have a cry

Look good, feel good

Time

Decissions

Helping a depressed person

Dealing with depression

Emotional self-help

Reduce stress at home and at work

Do not give up

Be open to new ideas

Interact with nature

Your strengths

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