Acceptance-Doesn’t-Mean-Condoning-a-Loved-One’s-Addiction

Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Condoning a Loved One’s Addiction

Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Condoning a Loved One’s Addiction – drugfree.org

It is difficult to recognize what acceptance is in this context. I went through this with my family for the past two decades – going back and forth about what it meant to accept that my child has a problem with drugs.

The initial reaction to drug abuse is often resistance and disgust. Parents and teens can dance a pattern of cause, effect and reaction; again and again, not realizing what they are dealing with until it is too late. In doing this, we lose opportunities for early intervention [download the Intervention e-Book]. We are too eager to believe our kid’s half-hearted contrition’s and resume the illusion of “normalcy.”

That’s the trap. It is important to notice behavior in a teen and consider drug tests (Note: While home drug tests can be unreliable, having a doctor perform a drug test can be a helpful tool; Although be aware that teens find all sorts of ways to beat these tests and even professional tests can be inaccurate) to determine if a positive result should lead to intervention. If the result is oxy’s, heroin, meth, or anything like that, then, YES! Accept it and map out some solutions. And in the process, don’t forget to take care of yourself.

Unfortunately, our communities offer too little assistance and are quick to toss young addicts in jail for their petty drug-related crimes. Drug addiction in anyone’s family is a big cross to bear and helping an addict is not an easy path. Acceptance helps.

Acceptance and courage are old attributes. In life, we all get a chance to test these qualities; like the farmer watching his crops flood alongside an overflowing river. His first reaction is denial! After accepting the urgency of the condition, the farmer would build sandbag levees. That is acceptance and transformation of agony into courage and action. A parent building the levees of preparation for intervention or treatment for a teen bitten by addiction is like stepping into a vision that recovery and redemption are entirely possible. Acceptance in that context does not mean condoning drug addiction.

A parent can be tempted to believe that their child has ruined his life, but that person still needs to be accepted and feel hope. Addiction has a path of its own, and can trump what you do, so be prepared.

Have a plan without feeling a need to force it. Look hard into the condition you are faced with. Be intentional, but don’t try and be God. When an opportunity arises, you will be ready to take action.

Even with all the money or support in the world, it simply is not a parent’s sole responsibility to solve this problem for their child; your loved one has to choose recovery and believe they can succeed. At the end of the day, we are often left feeling powerless, but that doesn’t equal “giving up” or “rejecting an ugly condition”; it is a stark recognition of what one does not control. That is what acceptance feels like.

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The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.

The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.

www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)

Quotes

"At some point after making a change, the demands of maintaining it seem to outweigh the benefits of the change. We don’t remember that this is normal. Change involves resistance. Reaching out to a supportive person can help clarify our thinking."

Stanley

"Through the assistance of my guide, I gradually became able to control cravings of my body and soul, fix the physical damages to the brain and psychological conflicts."

Traveler Keyhan

"I don't miss the fact that now when my lips move it is more than likely I am actually telling the truth."

Jane S

"That's what made me think of stopping my drug habits - My Blood pressure spiked at 200/110 last week during a Panic Attack."

Maria

"You can be a victim of your circumstances, or you can change."

Chantel

"2 and a half years was more than enough for my life to fall to pieces because of my addictions."

John

"It was after getting sober that I realized my drug use was so tied up with sex that I most likely had developed a sex addiction as well."

Anonymous

"Alcohol and drugs replaced everything in my life that I loved."

Wendy

"You know, you wake up in like a hospital, you wake up in rehab, and you search for answers. Why did I do this?"

Michelle

"When I hang out with my friends from rehab, I have fun because we're up, we're about, we're driving around, having fun."

James

"I do not believe that there are hopeless cases, just people who feel hopeless."

Anonymous

"It's never going to happen for someone like me, I thought."

Rosie

"The good thing is that addiction is not a disease which is handed down, father to son or mother to daughter. We are never doomed to repeat the actions of any family members. My brother has never abused a drug in his life, proving that we are never doomed "

Nikki

"You never have to surrender to addiction, and it’s never too late to ask for help."

Nikki

"There were days when I felt like I was losing the battle"

Anonymous

"I flashed back to all the good times, but they were not to be any more"

Anonymous

"I know these feelings intimately: fear, anger, guilt, panic, sadness, confusion, disbelief… and that only names a few."

Anonymous

"What feelings rise up in the hearts of parents when they discover that their beautiful, intelligent child is using drugs or drinking massive amounts of alcohol?"

Anonymous

"You wonder: if I don’t pay the bail, am I really a loving parent?"

Ron

"What I have learned is that recovery is a process that involves many things and numerous variables"

Ron

"I started crying out for help. And I started telling my sister I wanted to change."

Kathirena

"I was using all day long, I didn’t have any money and no place to stay."

Kathirena

"There’s always something new to trip us up"

Kathirena

"I feel good and I feel joy; I’ve learned to accept what I once was, and find hope in what I can become – which is a better person."

Kathirena

"I was driving west and the sun was in my face, and it just hit me. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was."

Lora

"I wanted to escape reality….I just wanted to be in oblivion"

Lora

"It’s the holidays and I just don’t want to be unhappy or make my loved one unhappy."

Anonymous

"Before my mother embraced treatment and recovery, I felt certain that her addiction and her way of life was going to kill her"

Melinda

"I wasn’t totally in control and I didn’t know what to expect. I made up my mind to do whatever I was told to do to make recovery work."

Adell

"because I didn’t know what else to do, or where else to go. I just knew that we needed help. I told my mother that I couldn’t help her, but I knew a place that could"

Melinda

"Acceptance is also a great tool. Accepting the addiction without judgment or supporting it is key"

John

"I have spent many sleepless nights and shed buckets of tears over my daughter’s disease and the devil that has her as a captive audience"

Carole

"Most of us live in two worlds: the world of what is and the world of ought to be. The world of ought to be continually puts us in a place where it is impossible to help our addict."

Rex

"I cannot relate to my addict’s pain and I cannot help myself."

David

"After a few years of repeated behaviors and strong reactions, no one got better. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong."

Roy

"In the end, the decisions lie with you and how you choose to internalize the learning"

Bob

"Real love is telling your child he cannot live in your home as he continue to use drugs"

Darren

"We’ve all done it. Seldom, if ever does it work. We make deals; we are willing to sell our soul, our dignity and our future to an addict in an effort to stop the madness."

Jill

"How do you negotiate with an addict that has no sense of justice or fair play? How can you negotiate with an addict that suffers from a disease that results in behaviors a sane person would deem insane?"

Jill

"I just could not let go of the expectations I always had for my beautiful boy, and took much of what he was doing personally"

Renee

"Why doesn’t he just stop using since it is ruining his life and making him unhappy? "

Renee

"Being a parent of an addict is about being more than you ever dreamed you could be. And most days it feels like you’re at war."

Gertrude

"You learn to love someone that, by all accounts, is un-loveable"

Gertrude

"Parents of addicts learn how to smile with friends and family. We need them for our own survival. We learn to allow them inside places that used to be only for us"

Gertrude

"It would be great if I could wave a magic wand and erase all those terrible memories. But I have had to live with them."

Alice

"Let me tell you that you can run to the ends of the earth and it will never be far enough to avoid yourself"

Alice

"I hated my stepfather for his embarrassing and painful displays of drunkenness. I hated my brother for being so weak and conniving. I hated my mother for not being strong enough to protect me from them"

Alice

"Well, while everyone’s relapse is different to some extent, there are some fairly predictable dynamics that family members should be aware of"

Michael Pantalon, PhD

"It is very painful to have drug addiction take over the life of someone you love"

Gertrude

"Keep in mind that forgiveness is a journey. As we grow older we learn more about ourselves and our ability to heal."

Gertrude

"Waiting for someone to repent before we forgive is to surrender our future to the person who wronged us"

Lewis Smedes

"Remember to forgive yourself because you have the ability to and you are worthy of it"

Gertrude

"Forgiveness is for me. The sooner I understand, the faster I heal."

Ron

"Remember to say "I love you." That is a reassurance we ALL need."

Karen

"If you want to help your child quit, you need to understand why they use and help them find other ways of getting those needs met"

Maia

"Love and support from family help treatment, they do not hinder it."

Maia

"Those who have been hurt as a result of addiction have no reason to trust the addicted person."

Drew

"Good recovery allows you to remove only a few bricks each day. Over time, there will be a hole in the wall large enough to talk through without shouting."

Drew

"Adjusting to a sober life calls for patience and understanding"

Ben

"A wise man once told me that if I spent my life making only new mistakes, my life was truly a life of learning"

Roger

"It’s very complicated thing when you love your child with all your heart but you hate what they have become and what is happening to them right in front of your eyes"

Roger

"Wasted efforts and wasted time is the effort and time in which you learn nothing and in which you do not change yourself."

Roger

"They knew something was wrong and were asking probing questions about what was bothering me. “When they opened that door, I walked through it"

Seth

"It was analogous to someone who suffered head-trauma and has to relearn everything: For someone like me, I had lost the ability to function in everyday life"

Seth

"It helped me learn how to live with other people, and gave me the guidance I needed for a strong recovery program that I could live with for the rest of my life"

Seth

"Working with another addict gives me a chance to see myself"

Seth

"What was really killing me was that I thought I was the center of the universe, and that things only happened because I made them happen"

Seth

"As parents of loved ones with a drug or alcohol addiction, how many times did we blow right through the warning signs as if they weren’t even there? And, if there were parenting cops, how many charges would we be guilty of?"

Clarice

"My kid wouldn’t do that or go that far — he’s just having fun. You know, boys will be boys."

Clarice

"Understanding your readiness to change by being familiar with the six-stage model of change can help you choose treatments that are right for you."

Carlo

"Because alcoholism is a chronic disease, the possibility of relapse is always present. Individuals may experience a strong temptation to drink and fail to cope with it successfully"

Carlo

"All signs and symptoms of drug abuse. But did we see it? No."

Sanjay

"It’s important for teen drug and alcohol abusers to see others their own age who are full-blown addicts and hear the horrific stories of where their drugging and drinking took them"

Sanjay

"I had three reliable sources report that my son was known as a pot smoker, Ecstasy user, and a drinker."

Sanjay

"Children of any age in any family where addiction is present can present a unique challenge. Questions arise as to what, if and how much to tell children about the addiction"

Sally

"It took me a long time to learn that my anger was a result of me not being able to control my son’s addiction"

Ron

"“No Lying, No Stealing and No Drugs. JUST WHAT THE HELL IS SO HARD ABOUT THAT?!!”"

Ron

"Boundaries are healthy for you and those surrounding you. I cannot change my addict’s behavior by setting rules."

Ron

"I am angry that he is using drugs in my home, and I feel out of control and helpless."

Ron

"Setting good boundaries for yourself allows you, the loved one of an addict, to bring a measure of control and sanity into a truly insane situation."

Ron

"In that moment, I felt like I was wearing my own scarlet letter – that the “A” for addiction was emblazoned on my forehead and would be my mark to bear for as long as I lived"

Alex

"Simply put, some brains are chemically wired differently than others and are far more susceptible to drug abuse. "

Alex

"Giving in to my daughter Lauren, who had a spiraling addiction, was a recipe for disaster."

Sharon

"Only when addicted teens are faced with real consequences can they start to make a change."

Sharon

"One of the biggest barriers to patients getting help is the stigma of addiction."

Barry

"I get asked, ”Why would he do this to you?” “Why do you allow him to live this way?” I am perceived as a bad parent by many"

Colleen

"For me, sometimes the hardest part is the isolation. There are so few people with whom I can share my thoughts and feelings about this."

Manatee Mom

"I noticed something about being the parent of an addict. It is a very lonely thing. If my child had any other disease, the people in my life would be surrounding me with comfort and support. Because my son has the disease of addiction I am left to deal wi"

Carol-Ann

"I've had some bad combinations of being drunk, smoking weed, and acid, or being drunk, smoking week, and on ecstasy. Just anything with another drug is really bad. It has different effects on you. You never know what could happen to you."

Michelle

"I had to start saying to myself the reason I don’t use drugs is because I don’t want to not because I can’t stop once I start."

Anonymous

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