How Insecurities Can Harm Your Relationship

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The constant fear of breaking up and losing your partner can be extremely crippling to you and your relationship. You may dwell on thoughts of not being good enough or that your partner isn’t happy and wants to find someone else. These thoughts can take the form of jealous and needy behaviours. Everyone has insecurities, but it is important to not let them stand in the way of a truly satisfying and long-lasting relationship. The following will help you identify the insecurities that may be harming your relationship and what steps you can take to overcome them.

“I am not good enough.” It is true that you must learn to love yourself before you can truly be satisfied in an intimate relationship. Most people are attracted to partners who are confident, joyful and independent. If you are constantly down on yourself, how can you expect your partner to not start feeling the same way? Accentuate the positive, not only for the benefit of your own self-esteem, but also so your partner can focus on the things he or she loves about you.

“I bet he or she is cheating on me.” Take a moment to think about why you feel this way. Has your partner given you a reason to believe that there is infidelity taking place? Or is it your insecurity speaking? Jealousy and resentment are relationship killers! Trust is a huge aspect of a healthy relationship. Once you tackle your insecurities, your ability to trust will also improve and your relationship will benefit.

“I need to know what he or she is thinking.” Constantly worrying about what your partner is thinking is only going to weigh you down with anxiety. When your partner says one thing, don’t assume they mean something different or are trying to hide something from you. Repeatedly asking your partner what he or she is thinking or feeling is an energy drainer on you both and will likely cause your partner to be even more withdrawn. Everyone deserves the right to privacy and unspoken thoughts.

“I need constant communication/interaction.” Just like anything that grows, a relationship needs proper space to flourish. Don’t fret if you don’t get that call or text when you think you should or if your partner needs to reschedule plans. Participate in your own activities and hobbies and let your partner do the same. You and your partner will both benefit from having space from one another and it will make your relationship stronger.

“This relationship is just like my last one.” Avoid comparing your current relationship to past ones. Saying things like, “You are acting just like my ex-girlfriend,” or “You’re going to end up leaving me like he did,” can be very hurtful. Even if a past partner was abusive, unfaithful, critical or dishonest, it doesn’t mean that your current partner is that way at all. It may be difficult at times, but try your best to focus on your current relationship and leave your baggage at the door.

Relationships are meant to be fulfilling and enjoyable. Learn to love yourself, trust your partner, avoid needy behaviour, and allow the relationship the space it needs to succeed. Your insecurities might cause you to focus on what is wrong in the relationship. Try something new and look for all the things that ARE working well! This doesn’t mean that you should stay in a relationship that isn’t right for you, but it means to avoid dwelling on problems that don’t exist.


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The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.

The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.

www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)

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