How to stop being depressed about love?
When love turns sour and depression sets in, is there a way out? There is most certainly; everyone has the capacity to reach deep inside and find a way through love gone wrong, or unrequited love. Here are some ways to start improving your outlook about your own future and the role of love in your life.
Steps to solve it
Stop the negative spiralling. There is little point being constantly negative about yourself or your chances in love. This is a bad habit and it deserves to be broken. While it is fine to be down and sad every now and then, it is not fine to have this as your usual temperament.
Be accepting that you can not make other people into something they are not. This includes trying to make someone love you; it will happen if it is meant to be but if they change and their love for you also changes, it is not a good idea to take out their choices on your own self-esteem.
Be patient. Love is a very varied ideal and no two people have the same notion of what it is, or is not. This is often the reason behind why love relationships do not always work out because both parties have different viewpoints of what love is and how it should be impacting their lives. In being patient, you can do several important things for yourself:
- You can get on with your life and the activities you enjoy
- You can cultivate your interests to the greatest extent possible
- You can open to all the incredible possibilities that are still awaiting you, including and especially love
- You can learn self-patience and apply that to everyday life
Find and make the most of distractions. Pursue your hobbies, watch your favourite movies, head outdoors with a trusted friend, etc. When love is getting you down, do something to get on top of the blues. Action is always the best antidote to moping and negativity.
Look for the lesson. Being rejected is never pleasant but each time something like that happens to us, there is something we can learn about ourselves, about how relationships develop or fade. Look for what you can take from this to apply to future relationships rather than trying to go over what could have been different. A lot could have been different but hindsight does not change the past; it only informs the future.
Keep a lid on the desire to vent. It is easy to go on and on about a person who has rejected you but, in the end, this merely serves to make you feel a lot worse and word will get around that you whine post-relationships and that might scare people away. By all means have a good vent with a close friend, your mom, or the therapist but be sure whoever you tell will keep it behind closed doors. When explaining to others what happened keep it light and say simply "Oh that, yes, well, it did not work out. We decided to both move on."
Look for the lesson. Being rejected is never pleasant but each time something like that happens to us, there is something we can learn about ourselves, about how relationships develop or fade. Look for what you can take from this to apply to future relationships rather than trying to go over what could have been different. A lot could have been different but hindsight does not change the past; it only informs the future.
Remember that you are not alone. Most humans will experience love at its best and at its worst as they grow through life. Many people know how hard it is to hurt over a lost love; however, the reality is that people move on. Picking up the pieces, taking the lessons with us, is part and parcel of being human.
Stay involved. Keep seeing people, keep getting out and doing things. Depression has a habit of keeping a person at home, where it feels worse. Getting out more is a key to moving on.
Relax, there is plenty of time to find love. It will come, even if you are in your 90s.
The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.
The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.
www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)
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"I thought if he could find something he really enjoys to take his mind off things, that could help, but the problem with depression is you don't really enjoy anything."
Anonymous
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