Living-with-Smokers-–-what-are-the-risks-to-your-health-and-relationships

Living with Smokers – what are the risks to your health and relationships?

Living with Smokers – what are the risks to your health and relationships?

Health worries

We all know passive smoking can damage your health, but if you're living with a smoker it can be unavoidable. Have the confidence to ask them to smoke outside, or in one particular room, to limit how much you breathe in. Your health concerns are completely legitimate, but it's better for both parties if you don't get hysterical about them. Make them clear, but avoid nagging incessantly as it can be counterproductive.

Try to remember that smoking is an addictive and legal habit. Appreciating someone's craving to smoke will help you be more understanding, so:
If you're asking people to go out of their way for your comfort, be clear about the reasons why you don't like them smoking
Set ground rules - be clear, honest and open about what you want right from the start if you're living with someone new
Take other factors into account - if you're living in a house owned by a smoker, or it's raining heavily on the outside smoking area, things can get murky

Stop the smell

Cigarette smoke has a habit of lingering on clothes and furniture, but there are ways you can reduce the effects - even if someone smokes inside:

Open windows as much as possible, especially when people are smoking
Empty ashtrays and wash them every day (or better yet encourage the smokers to do this), and sprinkle a layer of bicarbonate of soda on the bottom to absorb odour
Use an air purifier or an anti-allergy filter in your heaters
Asking them to quit
No one will suddenly stop smoking just because you ask them sweetly - no matter how much support you offer. It has to be their decision to quit. Here's how to help them:

Spending time with a boyfriend or girlfriend means spending time with their smoking.

Remember you're fighting their addiction, not them, so you could offer support by quitting a habit of your own
Arm yourself with information about how quitting will benefit them and what they'll go through if they quit
Suggest they call the NHS Smoking Helpline if they're interested, or they could take an addiction test to get started
Don't make negative comments if they relapse
Read our article on helping someone else quit for more tips

Smoker/non-smoker relationships

The dynamic of your relationship with someone who smokes will make a huge difference to how you feel about their habit. Here are some common situations:
Housemates: If you're living with friends you're likely to hang out with them, which is when cigarettes tend to become involved (they don't call it social smoking for nothing). Rachel finds it hard when her housemate who smokes invites other smokers over. "They leave the door open while they smoke outside, or leave it on the latch so the smell goes down the corridor and into our rooms. It has caused friction and arguments," she says.
Stress the ground rules on smoking inside when you're having a drink - they tend to slide when everyone's had a few
If you live in a rented property, find out if the landlord has a policy on smoking inside
If you're going to move in with smokers, talk things through early on - bringing it up six months down the track won't get a good response
Partner: Spending time with a boyfriend or girlfriend means spending time with their smoking, too. "It doesn't bother me as long as my partner doesn't smoke in front of the children, so he usually smokes outside or out of a window," says Abbie.
If a partner isn't likely to stop smoking, have a good think about whether you can handle it in the long-term
Don't assume a partner will 'change' for you - this can cause bitterness on both sides
Parents: If you're living with the folks you may have no choice but to put up with their habit - especially if you can't afford to move out. Treenz is a non-smoker who grew up in a smoking family. "Now I've moved out, I go home to visit and realise how smelly it is. When I visit my mum, both she and her partner smoke and I notice it catching my throat and my chest at times."
Attitudes towards smoking can be different between generations, so it's worth explaining how you feel if you're worried about their health
A sibling might ask you to hide their smoking from your parents - it's your decision, but try to avoid backing something that you feel strongly against.

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The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.

The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.

www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)

Quotes

"Smoking cessation is worth every minute you invest and more. The freedom that awaits you is nearly indescribable."

Michelle

"In 1987 came a major heart attack. By this time the doctors and surgeons knew for certain smoking causes heart disease."

Jim Aylett

"When I heard people speaking that to quit smoking is very difficult task so I really feel strange that if a person like me can get rid of it then every one can."

Alex

"I and my friend Jim thought that for getting famous in the school we have to follow the rules of looking cool. And the rules were very simple: smoking and drinking."

Leo

"Smoking took a front seat to everything. I stopped eating, I stopped sleeping, I started smoking 2 and 3 packs a day."

Sabrina

"To quit smoking, there is never a "good" time; the very best time of all is as soon as possible."

Yui

"I couldn’t ignore the fact that smoking a pack a day was doing serious harm to my body, and if I didn’t stop now then I was going to die."

Elaine

"I know exactly what it is like to desperately wish we could quit while lighting up one cigarette after another."

Terry Martin

"How ridiculous, I finally realized, that I am always hiding behind a wall of smoke, half the time not enjoying my time with family and friends."

Michelle Boisvert

"Find the thing that makes you want to live longer and use that as a motivation to quit smoking."

Richard

"The biggest benefit to quitting is knowing that I am helping my baby live a healthier life."

Suzy

"When you look at the smokers, don’t envy them."

Lousie

"I had low self-esteem and despite knowing the dangers, I started smoking to fit in."

Terry

"Once we quit smoking, the word freedom takes on a depth of meaning it never had before."

(Terry)

"I feel that smoking, drinking, and doing drugs are kind of selfish because you end up isolating yourself from everyone else. And Ive had to make certain choices and be a lot more responsible with my life. Ive been given a huge opportunity, and I dont want"

Victoria

"As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff is bad for you."

Elizabeth

"When I look back on my habits, I can't believe how smoking took over my life."

Carrie

"I was slowly becoming a non-smoker. It has now become a quest. I can beat this thing."

Dale

"I hated cigarettes growing up. They kept my dad from playing football, or basketball, or tennis, or any of the things I like to do."

Dawq

"Finding freedom from my addiction is the best gift I've ever given myself! I love being in control of my life, instead of an addiction controlling me every 20 to 30 minutes."

Donna

"I began smoking at age 12 trying to fit in. By the time I was 21, I was ordered to quit because I had a severe case of bronchitis, but I found I was too addicted to give up my addiction."

Irene

"I was a smoker for 33 years, and for the first time in my life, I feel freedom is mine and I cherish it with each passing moment. I wish this for any smoker who is out there. Please give up this addiction."

Jan

"When it comes down to it, yeah, I quit for my kids, but mainly, I quit for me. My kids would live on. They'd miss me, but they'd live on. I quit so I can see them live!"

Kerri

"When my wife decided she couldn't live with me anymore, and subsequently left - that was when I knew I had to do something."

Nigel

"I’ve seen hundreds of families in this very situation and their dilemma is always the same: they all want to influence their child to get on a better path"

Dr Michael Pantalon

"It doesn't bother me as long as my partner doesn't smoke in front of the children, so he usually smokes outside or out of a window"

Abbie

"Now I've moved out, I go home to visit and realise how smelly it is. When I visit my mum, both she and her partner smoke and I notice it catching my throat and my chest at times"

Treenz

"Still puffing? Shame. As a smoker you’re now looking older than your years"

Brian

"Learn to relax and develop a positive approach. Understand problem solving to keep friendships and relationships intact."

Dr Raj Dhoni

"Quitting smoking is easy, I've done it a thousand times."

Mark Twain

"Quit smoking have completely changed my life. I abused my body big time in many ways for most of my life, but no more."

Darlene

"One thing I have learned is that all it takes is a single puff to break a quit."

Kay

"When I think of a cigarette, I think of the four thousand chemicals that would rush into my mouth and burn their way into my once healthy lungs."

Angela

"Cigarettes were a part of who I was, how I functioned, and ingrained into my fiber. There were many reasons I hated smoking but quit smoking was way too big and I was way too small."

Jane

"There is nothing glamorous, attractive, calming, exciting, or fun about smoking. This is a lie. You have to erase all of these notions from your head."

Lesly

"Things might be very different today, had I not begun smoking as a teen. I feel that I became a nearly hopeless nicotine addict in a very short time."

Christine

"My story starts 36 years ago. Still to this day I have trouble believing I became a smoker. Both of my parents smoked. I hated that, and was continually waving away the smoke, hiding their cigarettes, and complaining."

Gaylene

More Send us your Quotes

Tips & Hints

Write a list of the reasons why you want to stop
Keep the list with you and refer to it when tempted to light up. By write down the reasons why smoking is so harmful, the benefits of s...
Keep the list with you and refer to it when tempted to light up. By write down the reasons why smoking is so harmful, the benefits of stopping become more obvious.
More
Set a date for stopping, and stop completely
Some people prefer the idea of cutting down gradually. However, research has shown that if you smoke fewer cigarettes than usual, you a...
Some people prefer the idea of cutting down gradually. However, research has shown that if you smoke fewer cigarettes than usual, you are likely to smoke more of each cigarette, and nicotine levels remain nearly the same. Therefore, it is usually best to stop once and for all from a set date.
More
Tell everyone that you are giving up smoking
Friends and family often give support and may help you. Smoking by others in the household makes giving up harder. If appropriate, try ...
Friends and family often give support and may help you. Smoking by others in the household makes giving up harder. If appropriate, try to get other household members who smoke, or friends who smoke, to stop smoking at the same time. A team effort may be easier than going it alone.
More
Don't despair if you fail
Examine the reasons why you felt it was more difficult at that particular time. It will make you stronger next time. On average, people...
Examine the reasons why you felt it was more difficult at that particular time. It will make you stronger next time. On average, people who eventually stop smoking have made 3 or 4 previous attempts.
More
Anticipate when you are most likely to want to smoke
In particular, drinking alcohol is often associated with failing in an attempt to stop smoking. You should consider not drinking much a...
In particular, drinking alcohol is often associated with failing in an attempt to stop smoking. You should consider not drinking much alcohol in the first few weeks after stopping smoking. Try changing your routine for the first few weeks. For example, don't go to the pub for a while if that is a tempting place to smoke and drink alcohol. Also, if drinking tea and coffee are difficult times, try drinking mainly fruit juice and plenty of water instead.
More

Know Why You Want to Quit

To get motivated, you need a powerful, personal reason to quit. Maybe you want to protect your family from second-hand smoke. Maybe the...

Try Nicotine-Replacement Therapy

When you stop smoking, nicotine withdrawal may make you frustrated, depressed, restless, or angry. The craving for “just one drag” ...

Ask About Prescription Pills

To ease nicotine withdrawal without using products that contain nicotine, ask your doctor about prescription medications. There are pil...

Don't Go It Alone

Tell your friends, family, and co-workers that you're trying to quit. Their encouragement could make the difference. You may also want ...

Manage Stress

One reason people smoke is that the nicotine helps them relax. Once you quit, you'll need another way to cope with stress. Try getting ...

Avoid Alcohol & Other Triggers

Certain activities may boost your urge to smoke. Alcohol is one of the most common triggers, so try to drink less when you first quit. ...

Clean the House

Once you've smoked your last cigarette, toss all of your ashtrays and lighters. Wash any clothes that smell like smoke and clean your c...

Try and Try Again

It's very common to have a relapse. Examine the emotions and circumstances that lead to your relapse. Use it as an opportunity to reaff...

Move

Physical activity can reduce nicotine cravings and ease some withdrawal symptoms. When you want to reach for a cigarette, put on your i...

Eat Fruits & Veggies

Don't try to diet while giving up cigarettes – too much deprivation is bound to backfire. Instead, focus on eating more fruits, veget...

Choose Your Reward

In addition to the tremendous health benefits, one of the perks of giving up cigarettes is all the money you will save. Reward yourself...

Do It for Your Health

Smoking cessation has immediate health benefits. It lowers your blood pressure and reduces your pulse after only 20 minutes. Long-term ...

Keep your hands and mouth busy

Try putting your drink in the hand that usually holds a cigarette, or drink from a straw to keep your mouth busy....

Make non-smoking friends

It is easier said than that, but it will be easier to quit if your friends are non-smokers....

Change your drink

Fizzy drinks, alcohol, cola, tea and coffee all make cigarettes taste better. So when you’re out, drink more water and juice. Some pe...

Get moving

A review of scientific studies has proved that exercise (even a five-minute walk or stretch) cuts cravings and may help your brain to p...

Know Why You Want to Quit

So you want to quit smoking, but do you know why? "Because it's bad for you" isn't good enough. To get motivated, you need a powerful, ...

Don't Go Cold Turkey

It may be tempting to toss your cigarettes and declare you've quit, plain and simple. But going cold turkey isn't easy to do. Ninety-fi...

Try Nicotine-Replacement Therapy

When you stop smoking, nicotine withdrawal may make you feel frustrated, depressed, restless, or irritable. The craving for "just one d...

Ask About Prescription Pills

To ease nicotine withdrawal without using products that contain nicotine, ask your doctor about prescription medications. There are pil...

Try and Try Again

It's very common to have a relapse. Many smokers try several times before giving up cigarettes for good. Examine the emotions and circu...

Eat Fruits and Veggies

Don't try to diet while giving up cigarettes -- too much deprivation is bound to backfire. Instead, focus on eating more fruits, vegeta...

Choose Your Reward

In addition to the tremendous health benefits, one of the perks of giving up cigarettes is all the money you will save. Reward yourself...

Do It for Your Health

There's more than the monetary reward to consider. Smoking cessation has immediate health benefits. It lowers your blood pressure and r...

Join a Forum

One of the things that can help the most in this quit is an online forum for quitters… you don’t feel so alone when you’re misera...

Replace Negative Habits with Positive Ones

What do you do when you’re stressed? If you currently react to stress with a cigarette, you’ll need to find something else to do. D...

Think positive

You can do it, and this time you will!...

Make a plan

Dates, times and measurable targets are the order of the day. Can you make it to this time next week without smoking? That would be a g...

Change your diet

Studies have shown that certain foods make the post-dinner cigarette that much more satisfying. Look into which ones improve cigarettes...

Expect the cough

When you quit smoking you may notice that your smoker’s cough worsens as your airways “come back to life”. This might make you pr...

Clinics are available

The NHS provide “Stop Smoking” clinics – go along to one and get some support...

Just don’t touch cigarettes

Your brain will probably tell you “one puff won’t hurt”, “come on we can manage one cigarette with a few drinks”, et cetera �...

Delay

If you have an urge to smoke, fight it by delaying the smoking. Eat a snack first. Do twenty press-ups. Ring somebody for a chat. With ...

The Hardest Part

The first two days is the hardest part of quitting. Once you’re past that, the rest is largely mental, as you will have passed the ni...

Make a Survival Kit

Your survival kit should include things that you can use as cigarette substitutes, like hard candy, mints, toothpicks, plastic straws, ...

Avoid Alcohol and Other Triggers

Certain activities may boost your urge to smoke. Alcohol is one of the most common triggers, so try to drink less when you first quit. ...

Clean House

Once you've smoked your last cigarette, toss all of your ashtrays and lighters. Wash any clothes that smell like smoke and clean your c...

Delay

If you have an urge, wait. Do the following things: take 10 deep breaths. Drink water. Eat a snack (at first it was candy and gum, then...

Make it Through Hell Week, then Heck Week, and You’re Golden

The hardest part of quitting is the first two days. If you can get past that, you’ve passed the nicotine withdrawal stage, and the re...

Make non-smoking friends

When you’re at a party, stick with the non-smokers. "When you look at the smokers, don’t envy them," says Louise, 52, an ex-smoker....

Make a list of reasons to quit

Keep reminding yourself why you gave up. Make a list of the reasons and read it when you need support. Ex-smoker Chris, 28, says, "I us...

Get Rid of Your Smoking Stuff

Throw out all cigarettes, ashtrays and lighters and anything else that might remind you of smoking. Wash your clothes and clean your ca...

Set a no-smoking policy

Don’t allow anyone to smoke in your home or car, and avoid other people when they are smoking. Even a few whiffs of smoke have been k...

Beware the "Just One"

Even though you are moving ahead in the quitting process, you have to stay tuned in to that "little devil" inside of you who says, "Jus...

More Tips & Hints