Some other myths about Self Harm
Some other myths about Self Harm
Everyone - whether you self-harm or not - has a different pain threshold. Some people can endure the most intolerable levels of pain, whilst others may have a hypersensitivity to even the slightest injury or ache. When someone has the urge to harm, they may feel as though they are numb and not able to feel pain - this is because of the emotional intensity they are experiencing.
Once the act of harming has taken place, they will realise they are not numb, and feel the pain as much as anyone would. It will be at this point in the process that someone may be receiving treatment, and consideration needs to be given as to whether or not pain relief is needed. There have been reports of young people having stitches without local anaesthetic, after professionals assumed the process of having stitches would be 'enjoyable' for a self-harmer.
Everyone hurts, self-harmers included. It's not an enjoyable way to cope, but it may feel necessary at times.
Self-harmers must be mentally ill…..
Self-harm in itself is not a diagnosis. It is not a mental disorder; it is an emotional difficultly. There may be people who do have a diagnosed mental health condition or learning disability, who have associated self-harming behaviours as part of that diagnosis, but for the vast majority of harmers, self-harm is an expression of difficult or unbearable emotions. Harmers may be referred to mental health teams for additional support - a psychologist or community nurse may be able to offer Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) which can help change patterns of thought and behaving.
Some harmers may be given a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) which can be confusing and upsetting as it may imply there is something wrong with the person's personality - and isn't it personality that defines who we are and what our friends like about us? Self-harming doesn't mean you have BPD - it is often just one of many symptoms psychiatrists will be looking for. If you hear the term being used, ask questions, find out what it means for you and speak out if you don't agree.
Being part of the mental health system is nothing to be ashamed of, and a diagnosis is just a label - it doesn't take away who you are or what you can achieve in the future. Society still has a lots of stigma about mental health, which is sad because it may stop people looking for help. If you want to be supported by professionals in overcoming your problems with self-harm, then go for it - if it's what you want to do it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
The difference between self-harm and suicide….
People who self-harm normally do not wish to kill themselves. Suicide is a way of ending life, but many self-harmers see hurting themselves as a way of coping with life and being able to continue with living. For some, experiencing the pain of self-harm reassures them they are still alive – this might be because they are experiencing emotional numbness or feeling disconnected with the world around them. It can also cause changes in the brain chemistry, which, although ‘satisfying’, can easily become addictive and therefore dangerous.
Sometimes harmers do die. This is usually because they have taken an act of self-harm too far and they lose their lives before help is found. Coroners have to be 100% certain beyond any reasonable doubt that someone intended to kill themselves before recording a verdict of suicide, so lots of people who die as a result of self-injury are often given verdicts of ‘accidental death’, especially if they are known to harm often. It is important to know a bit about your body in order to keep yourself safe - self-harm is never, ever good, but there are small things that can make a big difference and maybe save your life. If you are still going to hurt yourself, then it's important you try and do it in the safest way possible - losing you would be a tragic waste.
Attention seeking?
This is a major difficulty experienced by many self-harmers. Being perceived as attention-seeking is painful and far from the truth. If attention seeking really was the biggest motivation for someone struggling with self-harm, it's far from being the most effective way to go about getting it. Self-harm may be a way of someone communicating that they are emotionally distressed or finding life difficult to manage, but there are an infinite number of ways to 'get attention' that don't involve inflicting pain on oneself or hurting those around them. Self-harm is about expression, not attention. And even if it were about attention, what is so awful for that person that hurting themselves has become the best way to be noticed?
People who struggle with self-harm are also accused of being manipulative of others, especially professionals. In reality, very few harmers attend A&E departments and even less talk to their GP's. Self-harm is essentially a very private behaviour, and many harmers will go several months - or even years - before being 'found out' or having the courage to make a disclosure. A lot of people who harm will do it in places on their body that are unlikely to been seen - if someone can't see your scars then they can't find out, can they?
Being perceived as attention seekers will only make it harder for young people to seek the help they need to stop harming.
It's just a girl thing, right?
Actually no. That's not right.
Society holds this image of self-harm just affecting vulnerable young teenage girls, but that couldn't be further from the truth. We've said it already and we'll say it again.... self-harm can affect EVERYONE and ANYONE. And that means boys too. And men for that matter. Boys and men from England, boys and men from Scotland, boys and men from Spain, boys and men from anywhere.
Statistics vary - some think that for every 2 girls self-harming we only have 1 boy, but actually the figure could be the same. Boys have emotions and difficulties every bit the same as every girl their own age. Teenage years are no easier for boys than they are for girls, girls are no more likely to have a rough time at home or school than boys, and girls are no more likely to be more unhappy than boys. Boys have feelings, boys hurt, and boys self-harm.
So why does society tell us it's just girls then?
Good question. Very good question.
There's no hard and fast answer to this but in British culture it's more 'normal' and more 'accepted' for girls to express their feelings and show their emotions compared to their male counterparts. Girls are women-in-training and part of that process involves being in touch with emotions and having the space to express what they feel. Boys often feel uncomfortable doing the same and this leads us to this place where it's okay for girls and not okay for guys.
That's all very well, but it doesn't help me...
No, it doesn't. Self-harm has always carried a lot of stigma, and a lot of myths, as this section demonstrates. Girls are not necessarily having an easier ride than you, and are not necessarily finding it easier to access support services than you. They are also not necessarily finding it easier to talk to their family members or confide in their friends - self-harm is a very personal experience. There are different ways you can express how you're feeling - it doesn't have to be talking to someone, it doesn't have to involve crying and it definitely doesn't have to involve feeling lonely. Can you write down how you feel? Can you draw how you feel? Can you take a lump of clay and make a 3-dimensional representation of how you feel? Can you write all the negative stuff on a football and kick it for miles? Can you stand in the middle of an empty field and shout it out loud? Can you go through your music and find a track that sums up exactly how you feel about yourself and your experiences of self-harm?
You can start with us - post us a message on the Question forum or write a rambling account of what's in your head in Share My Story... hook your webcam up and just say it how it is if you like.
Just don't feel alone. Boys matter too.
The Have I Got A Problem website is a free online resource to help people better understand any issues or concerns they may have about mental health or addiction. The website includes resources specifically focused to; general Mental Health, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, Insecurities, Self-harm Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anger Management, Eating Disorders, Coping, general Addiction, Alcohol, Smoking, Gambling, Drugs, Cocaine, Heroin, Marijuana (Cannabis) Ecstasy, PCP, Mephedrone, Ketamine & Crystal Meth.
The site was created to give the public information to help them understand mental health and addiction issues and to assist people in making better informed decisions about their life and personal choices.
www.haveigotaproblem.com was created and is run by 'Advising Communities’, which is a UK registered charity (Charity No. 1061055)
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"I usually injure myself in an effort to get my mind off of terminating my life. In short, injuring myself is the only way I stay alive."
Sarah
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